He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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