i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
