College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
