On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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