Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
