College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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