The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
