Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You took a bar mat shot.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
