dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
