Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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