Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
