She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
