this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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