have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
