I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
