end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
