I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Randomize
