If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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