I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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