i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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