Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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