Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
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