I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
