I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
