We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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