So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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