So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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