is your mom at the bar?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
