hell yes lets make some ravioli
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
