so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The ass gains better be worth it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
