Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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