one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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