i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
