I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
