His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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