and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
