I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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