my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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