Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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