I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
