just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
