i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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