At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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