It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
