I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
