I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
