started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
