Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
