Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
