So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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