This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
