you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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