I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
