lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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