he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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