Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
