Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
