If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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