We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
