Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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