apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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