id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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