I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
