Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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