His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
