Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
