I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
