im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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