dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
