I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
