I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
