she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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