Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
