The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
do nipples grow back?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
