Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
