she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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