so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
