Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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