So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize